Tuesday, 1 October 2019

Letting Go ?

I've always struggled to understand human behavior and maybe I always will and it's one of the reasons I prefer to roll solo? Letting go comes in many different forms, none of which are easy. When someone dies we have no say in the matter, and while there are those that give permission for a loved one to slip away to save them from any more pain perhaps? it's nothing  more than a symbolic gesture to make us feel we have some control over an horrendous situation, but we don't get to decide, there is no actual choice. The same with illness, it's a letting go of the life we once had, the person we were,  it's a confusing, frustrating, humbling mish-mash of emotions that doesn't get any easier with time, as with any form of loss, all we can do is try and learn to cope. 
A loss that's often harder  to deal with is  people that are still alive but that just don't feel about you as you feel about them?  We're all on different stages of our journey and sometimes we've served whatever spiritual purpose we were meant to serve in someone's life and they just need different lessons and different people and it's not always  personal even though it can feel like it? On the other hand however we  do still need to look at ourselves, I know I'm quite flawed and when people leave throughout life and you're the common denominater then  you need to accept you're probably the problem, I'm the problem, but as to what flaw? take ya pick because I haven't got a clue? And it's sad of course and certainly not how I'd planned on life turning out.

I remember as an 8yr old reluctantly moving house and sadly spending the last time with my bestie, we were sat on the curb and found a slither of broken glass in the gutter that we cut our thumbs with before squishing them together and declaring "Friends Forever"  ( a hyperventilating health and safety  moment by todays standards i'm sure? )  It was a time before computers and mobile phones and so I vowed that when we were old enough I'd come find her again and I did thanks to social media........... turns out she didn't remember me...Ouch! 

Moving on, years later my early teenage bestie announced one day that she wasn't allowed to hang out with me anymore because I came from a broken home.....Ouch! again, the truth was she'd found a new sidekick to replace me with, someone far more exciting to hang out with, I got it, I understood, I really did, although it didn't mean it hurt any less. I didn't fight to keep our friendship because I realized she'd already let me go, and trying to hold on to something where only one party is invested isn't a relationship, it's just one person making a tit of themselves.  By that analogy I seem to have spent a great deal of my life a Tit? 
A  boyfriend spent such a large amount  of our relationship letting me go before coming back again, that I ended up nicknaming him Boomerang. There was an age gap with him being much older than I and he was also a troubled creative soul, but I was as much to blame of course because love can do funny things to you and while mentally I severed the ties and put my foot down, my heart couldn't quite let go of him completely, hence the door was always slightly ajar for his return, no matter the years that went by in-between. I knew he never really loved me, it was a one sided love, but he couldn't stay away forever, he couldn't explain it other than  something  always drew him back because he just couldn't forget me, our on mostly off love story spanned nearly 30 yrs until his death, and he couldn't come back anymore.

When it comes to  family we often have this  mind-set that  we have to get on ? but in reality family members don't have to love you or even like you just because you're connected by DNA and no matter how hard you try it's not going to change the fact that they just don't freakin like you or want you in their life. Just as I'm sure we've all been in situations where we've taken an instant dislike to someone, we can't put our finger on it but we just don't like them? Or we liked them once but we just don't like them any more? We have to remember other people can feel the same way about us...and yes, that extends to family members and even the once closest of  friends?
I always feel a bit of a sap, because in all honesty it still hurts alot when it happens, and it  heightens insecurities as you search for answers, What did I do? What didn't I do?, but rarely do we get the answers or the truth which makes acceptance even harder, and beating ourselves up, worrying, going over the situation in our head serves no purpose and only fuels the insecurity further. So even if it hurts and it usually does, accepting that it's okay for people to let us go if they feel it's right for them and in their best interest, is the only way we  can free ourselves to go forward in the end, although it's also okay to leave the door slightly  ajar for all the family, friends and people you love in case they want to come back one day. 

I realised recently that an awful lot of my head space is taken up worrying about others, even though they evidently let me go along time ago. I have to admit that while Buddhist philosophy of not attaching to anything including people because everything is temporary is undoubtedly  true and makes sense, it's not always  that easy to put into practice, not that i'm a Buddhist , but it is time for me to follow my own philosophy that I mentioned before, you can't have a relationship of any sort when there's only one person in it,  so as hard as the lesson has been and continues to be i am determined to learn the art of acceptance of letting go......in plain English ? To stop being a tit.  Feel free to keep me company by sharing  your own experiences? 
                                                    Until Next Time, Stay Blessed
                                                            Back  Before Elvis.

Saturday, 7 September 2019

Yes,We ARE Undefeatable

I've  been  a bit miffed by the recent TV and social media campaign  #WeAreUndefeatable but miffed has now turned to anger because once again I smell a very large underhand rat? On it's website and social media platforms it states  it's " A campaign supporting people with health conditions to be active through the ups and downs and celebrating every little victory" ?  

I could  almost hear the strains of Jerusalem playing in the background as all sick and disabled around the country stand shoulder to shoulder  with fist clenched to their heart with pride?......Someone pass the Kleenex I'm about to blub, but that's because sadly, once again I believe the public are being duped that this is being done in our best interest, while the actual Sick and Disabled amongst us know it's just another shafting. 

Call me a cynic...no, please do?  but I believe this to be just another sneaky attack on societies most vulnerable to save the government  yet more money,  if the corporate manslaughter of approximately 120,000 so far isn't enough? ...Well obviously not?  And yes, you heard right, that's 120,000  grandparents, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, the list goes , but real people in need of help that ended up dead thanks to the  Tories & D.W.P stance.

For me, most sick and disabled are already undefeatable, the ones I've been blessed to know and meet over the years are already amazing, brave, determined human beings, they've had to be because they continue to be put in a do or die situation by the Conservatives and the D.W.P.

And I think we can quite safely assume this campaign is government initiated and funded? At the bottom of the website it  lists all it's partners, The national lottery, and a whole heap of Charities ...Awww Dang! you're probably going to call me a cynic again? ...no, please do?  But I can't help wondering what bung these charities are getting for being part of this Shafting Campaign ? 

As many can and will vouch, Under D.W.P criteria, if you have enough energy to even fart then you're deemed fit to work and denied any financial help, and if you're getting help then it's instantly withdrawn which means losing mobility scooters and other vehicles and no longer having funds to pay for carers, the fact that kids often have  to skip school to look after a parent and take over the role is just too bad. 

That's why seeing all these people doing activities and being encouraged to get active in this campaign is  hypocritical and quite frankly a farce, If any sick or disabled person tries to help them-self in any way by  doing some activity they're told they're not sick or disabled enough for financial help and are forced back into work regardless. 

Those who phone D.W.P in a desperate state having received a letter to say they are losing all financial help are often just told to go to a food bank or go ask a family member, friend or neighbour. Is this really happening in 2019?  Unfortunately yes and it get's much worse, at assessments if assessors can't see the symptoms of your illness, then they don't exist, including mental health. While D.W.P publicly deny this in the media, those who go through the assessment have written reports to say otherwise. For example, unless a patient sweats, trembles and shakes at some point during the assessment then they don't suffer with anxiety and receive no points , the same for all other symptoms, unless they are all presented during the assessment you are given no points for it. 

In the height of mental health awareness this seems reckless and as I stated before, criminal, so I challenged D.W.P on this, but seemingly missing the point I was simply told that all the assessors are professionals and they listen to what they say. 

Just in recent weeks there's been more cases of  terminally ill people, bed-bound and in their last few weeks being denied financial help by a cruel, barbaric  D.W.P who have deemed  them fit to work  despite, GP and Consultant letters, like the late  James Oliver.

Some of you may also remember the case of the late  Stephen Smith  a man with multiple debilitating illness, who lived on his own,  lying emaciated in a hospital bed , denied any financial help and forced to leave  that hospital bed to attend a tribunal and prove he was sick enough for financial assistance? This isn't just a one off case, this is happening on a daily to sick and disabled all over the country.

Of course exercise is good, it's not rocket science and I'm not knocking that, but we mustn't forget there is illness where exercise is just not possible or can actually make a situation worse, I think many will find this campaign insulting, the main reason being, it's being put out there as one thing when it's actually masquerading as something far more sinister, just ask the families of those who have already died ?  Despite Philip Alston's  UN's report  of a humanitarian crisis in the UK, despite back in 2017 a UN report denouncing the Tories treatment of Disabled, this arrogant Government are still in public denial. 

 I hope the public will see through this latest campaign and wake up to what's really happening to the sick and disabled of this country and be as angered and demonstrative as they have been about #Brexit , then we truly will be Undefeatable. 

                                                     Until Next Time, Stay Blessed
                                                              Back Before Elvis

Friday, 2 August 2019

Who Are Ya Now?

Do you ever look back at photos and laugh or cringe at what you were wearing ?  It was just the times and the latest crazes that made us feel untouchable eh?   I felt right gangsta in my Crombie and Doc martens when I was finally allowed to get them, 

 used to smoke too, all the cool boys smoked  Marlborough, they were proper adult ciggies and then us girls discovered the equivalent in Sobranie multi-coloured cocktail cigarettes and there we were, a bunch of council estate kids feeling posh and sophisticated. 
One look I'm not proud of and  certainly wouldn't want to revisit is the ginger perm, it was a white persons equivalent to an afro that we really didn't rock. It was meant to be bleached blonde of course but never quite got there, apart from the eyebrows that went so white it looked like you didn't have any.

It wasn't a holiday unless you went to the pavillion to see The Black & White Minstrels, TV programmes included Love Thy Neighbour and it seemed every comedian started a joke  with " An Englishman,  Irishman, Scotsman and a Pakistani walked into a bar" ?

As you walked passed a building site, workmen would whistle down from the scaffolding they clung to, and if they didn't you walked passed again just in case they hadn't seen you the first time.

Times however have changed greatly, what was once acceptable is no more, but that's what happens when you  evolve, not only as a collective but also as an individual, as we grow older most of us  change, or Life changes us?  our views, our ways, the only difference is back then we didn't have a public recording of our growths and faux pas whereas now there's social media.

I often get spooked when I get a notification to say someone has liked/commented/shared a post from 2006 because it means they've sat there scrolling back to somebody I used to be, it immediatly sparks a mix of intrigue and panic " What did i say in the post?" What was I doing in the photo? Would any of it be acceptable now or could it spark social media outrage?  People could find out where I live, drag me out the house by my ankles and crucify me on the nearest lampost for my sins? 

I always feel sorry for the young whippersnappers that get their first sniff of appearing on TV only to have it publicly snatched away  because some saddo individual has scrolled back to when they were pre-pubescent  and said or did something they probably shouldn't and don't even remember?  I often wonder if employers do the same thing when weighing up a  candidate for a job?  

With all that in mind and the mind-set of better to be safe than sorry  I thought it was a good idea to wipe out any potential  dramas and just keep the social media postings to approx 3 months.....then my heart and belly sank, oh hang on...I think that's  due to the fact that while writing this I ate the last chocolate revel without realising and when i did realise, they came out in solidarity at my disappointment? 

Anyhow you'll be pleased to know that after some research I came across  Tweet Delete  for those on Twitter, It's Free and so easy to use, with one hit I wiped out 5 years of tweets, so just in case my  prodigious personality should soar to Stardom status ? there will be no poop to be found💩 Ha. Although Police records on the other hand might still list my court appearance for being part of the Poll tax rebellion, not a crime as such,  more a mini revolution of which I stand proud.

Unfortunately  facebook isn't so easy and alot more time consuming as you can only delete 50 posts at a time, but still worth the effort.  To do this go to your profile and underneath where you  write a post you will see: Manage posts, List view,  Grid view. Click on Manage posts and click the first 50 you want to get rid of and then click delete, and then repeat for as many times as you need to.  Instagram pretty much has the same set up as Facebook if you want to delete multiple posts.

I think most of us would like to think we change for the better, learn from past mistakes  and keep on maturing like good cheese, just not as stinky?  But if we publicly record our journey in social media posts and comments there is always the possibility that the past could come back to bite us on the bum, everything is so PC and the world and it's people seem so snowflakey in comparison with yesteryear, and it's not always easy to change as quick as is needed , all we can do is try our best to keep up and in the meantime have a regular clear out of posts  so as to stay in control of what we're putting out there as we go forward? 

                                                             Til next time, stay blessed
                                                                      Back Before Elvis

Friday, 19 July 2019

All Change ?

Well there's been a change that I wanted to share with you, so grab a custard cream ( Never too early.....or too late ) and i'll spill.... 

So first up, the Bands/Artists  that I support and feature under Eargasm Feat  has a brand spanking new name and banner and will now be known as Runnin With My Rhythm 
it will still  be bringing you outstanding talent by those producing great music and continue to hopefully introduce you to people and tracks you'd otherwise not hear. There's  also a Runnin With My Rhythm Spotify playlist of all those featured so far, so  it would be cool to see you there and have you follow. At the moment I'm particularly on the look out for some dynamite sounding unsigned UK Rap/Hip-hop bands/artists to feature, so if you think you have what it takes, or you know of someone that does, then send over the links and i'll check it out. 

Most of us like listening to music, some of us all day?  But we rarely think about the actual realities of making music, It's tough being an independent  band/artist , so as well as downloading  please don't forget to follow them, share, RT, and  continue to show them your support. 

                                                           Cheers, Stay Blessed
                                                              Back Before Elvis 

Wednesday, 22 May 2019

Swapping Mozart For Stormzy ?

So I woke up to the headlines that a youth Charity headed by Myleene Klass is urging Schools to add Stormzy to the curriculum instead of Mozart to engage kids that would otherwise fall by the wayside, and I wholeheartedly agree, Hallelujah , about time. 

Everyone is different and I believe it's an adults responsibility to tap into what makes a young person tick and then use that to show them their potential.

Back when Dinosaurs walked the earth and Stormzy hadn't even hatched and I was at school, it was  something I put to my own music teacher. At 11 years of age I didn't get classical music, I hated the fact we were force fed Mozart, Beethoven and a host of others. As a music lover I knew I'd probably "Get it" one day when I was older but at that point in time it wasn't relevant to me. So thinking of a compromise I asked the Teacher if we could combine classical with modern, be set a challenge like writing a rap or lyrics  over a piece of classical music? It would mean we'd have to go away and listen to some classical music to pick the one that felt right for our words, which would maybe help us to also engage and appreciate classical music a bit more?  Sadly it didn't go down too well, she didn't have a cane in her room but if she had I think she would've bent me over the desk right there and then and  whipped my butt as red as her angry face. Instead she called my parents up the school due to my "Disrespect and impertinence"  of her teaching.  This just added further to my  dislike of teachers and  anti- school mind -set .
I hated music lessons and was so disappointed because it felt like a missed opportunity, thankfully I also loved acting, and Drama was my favourite lesson, Mr Tim Phillips was everything you'd want in a good Teacher, he treated students as equals, he didn't speak down to you, he praised you and encouraged you to fulfill  your dreams. Unfortunately he was in the minority, as Drama was frowned upon in the school by a lot of the other teachers who saw it as  "A class for lazy people that didn't want to work" 

Being a teacher's tough there's no doubt, it's a lot tougher today than back in my day when a teacher could just give you a good beating if you weren't towing the line, but the essence is still the same. If a child is a great storyteller then encourage them with English and Drama, don't try and turn them into a Mathematician, if a child shows a real love and flair for cooking then guide and support in that and don't chastise them for being crap at history? 

We have to treat children as individuals, tap into their talents and help them hone their skills,  every single child has a talent, most from disadvantaged backgrounds just don't know it ,or don't know what to do with it, and whether it's to become an astronaut or a rapper they all deserve the same chance to shine. I have to also add that it's never too late and we as adults can support, praise and guide other adults who missed out. I've seen many an adult discover their talents later on in life, a few kind words and a bit of support costs nothing but can have a massive impact, so come on, let's get supportive?  

                                                  Til Next Time, Stay Blessed
                                                          Back Before Elvis